Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Labels are just a fancy name for LIFE

When I was very young I was given the label of being hyperactive, retarded, and anti-social. I lived up to those labels. I stopped making good grades in school. I acted up at home and at school, and I never made friends. Growing up other labels were placed on me. Ugly, and unlovable. I responded with kind. I hated the way I looked and when other kids teased me I acted very strange, (hence the label mentally retarded. In my teenage years a new label was placed on me crazy. once again I did not let the people who labeled me, (professionals) down and began to be crazy. Drug addict, alcoholic, schizophrenic, followed as I became an adult. Later on I was given an AXIS from the Air Force of having Borderline Personality Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Chronic Dystimia (a fancy way of saying I was constantly depressed ) with Suicidal ideation. I was on every kind of medicine that was known to modern man in the psychiatric field at the time.
I believed the LABELS. I lived the LABELS. I became the LABELS.
I went through hell, and then I stopped listening to what the so called professionals were telling me and I listened instead to my heart, and my soul.
My Heart told me that I certainly was not retarded, bad, schizophrenic or ugly, and my soul told me that The "Lord" loved me!
If I was upset I had a legitimate reason to be. I had been very misused as a child. But, I was no longer a child, and I had to find out what and who I really was.
I went off the medicine, and I stopped relying on professionals to tell me if I was upset, angry, happy, or sad. I found that when my body was free of the chemicals that I had been on for so long that the labels that had been tagged onto me all my life was just LIFE.
Thats right life sometimes will not go our way and when things don't go right all the time, and we get sad that is LIFE! When we are betrayed by the ones we love; even though, it hurts it is still LIFE!
So right or wrong that is my theory LABELS are just a fancy name for LIFE.

Monday, October 1, 2007


There are all sorts of addictions in life. Alcohol, drugs, caffeine, cigarettes, food, pills, and sex just to name a few. However there also is an unknown addiction. This addiction is just as deadly as any of the above, but we do not recognize it. We have quaint sayings for this addiction like: trouble follows him or her wherever they go, or if it was not for bad luck he or she would have no luck. Still not sure what I am talking about? Let me spell it out for you! CHAOS!!
If you are a survivor then you know what I am talking about. Has this ever happened to you?
You have just weathered through yet another emotional storm or crisis or issue, that seems to be your life, and everything is going smoothly and yet you have a feeling of impending doom. What do you do, well somehow,(not your fault really) you seem to fall into another crisis, and you feel as if things are now in balance. You are at your element after all you have faced many crisis and come out all right so far.
Well sisters and brothers I am here to tell you that somehow you have become addicted to CHAOS, and you need intervention. Unfortunately there is no AA, NA, or Weight Watchers for this addiction. You have to take a good hard look into yourself and ask what need does this addiction fill. Are you constantly getting reassurance that you are going to be okay? Do the troops rally around you when a crisis erupts. Do people around you, who usually ignore you all of a sudden start paying attention to every thing you say or do?
You need help. You need to try to find something else to fulfill those needs. And no not drugs, alcohol, food or sex!!
It is going to be very hard at first, and you may slip back into the addiction every once in a while, but you can do it.
How do I know about the CHAOS addiction? It was my addiction for so long, and if I can recognize it and try to do something to change it then so can you. Of course the fist step is admitting that this addiction exists in your life, and then although it will be hard, and you will surely miss it. You can start to change the behaviors that feed this addiction.
Good luck it is not easy, but it is very rewarding!!! :)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wow, has it already been 6 months?

Hi everybody,
Today is a very special day, because six months ago today I walked out of a prison of mans making and into a life. Wow, that is hard to believe! :)
What have I done in six months? You may ask.
Well I have a great job and wonderful friends. I have a absolutely spectacular family whom I love a great deal. Even the ones that I have not heard from in years. Especially them. I have a car, and it has been getting a lot of mileage. I have played in the waves of the ocean, and I have sat outside in the dark and watched the panorama of stars over my head. I have met a lot of great people, who have opened their hearts up to me. But most of all I am not in any prison of any ones making not mans nor my own. What do the next six months hold for me? Only God knows!
All I can say is it will not be boring!!! :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

A Little Reality Goes A Long Way!

I went to the beach for my birthday, and I saw an amazing sight. The Ocean. Now to some of you this is old news you might be saying to yourself "big deal so you saw the ocean". Fine that is your opinion. but before you write if off. Ask your self two questions. One: what if there were no ocean, and two: what if you could not see it, hear it, or be able to play in it?

I want to tell you a story of a woman who lost her way.

Once upon a time there was this woman, who hated herself, she would wake up each and every morning and say to herself perhaps today I will die, or perhaps today I will kill myself. All day long this woman would be angry, she would be angry at her job, she would be angry when she took a shower, she would even be angry when she ate a meal! Before she went to bed each and every night she would ask God to kill her so she would not have to wake up and face another angry day.
This woman was truly lost, and yes she was me.
I took all that anger and went and committed murder. I hurt people who loved me despite myself, and I scared those very same people.
Because of my act of anger I was put in prison for 14 years, and in those 14 years I found someone who truly loved me, and accepted me for who I am and did not ask any more from me than I could give.
That person was me!!
My anger slowly diminished until it was no more, but that was not enough because those people that I hurt became angry with me. They stopped writing me, and decided to teach me a lesson. While I was locked up the one thing I truly wanted to do was go to the ocean and witness how wild and free it was. I stood looking at it for a long time and it was while I was watching the waves pound into the sand and then rush back that I realized; no matter the provication, anger will make you waste more time than anything in your life. If you spend all your life being angry at someone than you are in a prison of your own making.
Nobody has to put you behind bars becuase baby you put yourself there and you might as well say goodbye to the OCEAN!!!!
The one you hurt the most is the one you look into the mirror at each and every day!!!

Monday, July 30, 2007

I tried

I thought you all might enjoy a puzzle however, I have an old system and it did not want to cooperate. I tried. :)

Monday, June 18, 2007

It has happend!

It has happened I think I have found my ninch in life. I do not know yet but i believe that I know what i want to do with the rest of my life. How did it happen you might ask and what the heck are you talking about could be your next question. How I am not sure except to say that the Lord puts angels on earth in the guise of people, and Darlene and her family seem to be a whole passel of them !
What is my ninch well lets just say that I have only been this happy and satisfied in life once, and that was the birth of my son almost 16 years ago.
Canine Partners For Life happened!!!
Here I was in my own little world in prison when I heard on the radio about a program at Jessup where the women inmates got to train and raise puppies for the seeing eye people in Ohio. Wow what an opportunity, but alas it was not to be for me because the Lord was not ready for me to meet his special angel (Darlene).
I left Patuxent just knowing that I was going to be a puppy raiser, and that no one was going to stand in my way! However, we all know the saying "man plans God laughs", and boy did He! It was 1998 when I heard that program on the radio it would not be until 2002 until I actually got to raise a puppy. More Tomorrow

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Long Lost Relatives

Okay so here I am looking in my SPAM folder for some work i sent myself (which of coarse I did not find) when out of the cyber space low and behold a voice I had never heard before greeted me. Yes I am talking about a long lost relative, my cousin Nancy. Very cool I might add. :)
I was very pleased to here from her, because in all this time I do not ever remember even seeing her.
Of coarse I am ecstatic to have another long lost relative to talk too and get to know. I know there are others of you out there who are related to the Moore side of the family, and not my brother side either. I mean those of you out there that are my cousins from my uncle Bill, and Uncle Fenton. Hey guess what we do not bite (hard) :) We want to get to know you also. So I guess what I am asking is: Where are YOU?
How many more relatives are out there?
Due to the wonderful internet you should not have to hide. Drop someone a line who knows, someone, who knows someone.....
Don't be a stranger, who knows you might find that all those stories you heard about our side of the family are actually TRUE !! :)